i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
