I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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