Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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