I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
