It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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