Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
