Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
