There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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