I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
