I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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