do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
