so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm too high and old for this...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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