***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
