my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
