Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
