Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize