he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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