I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We got so high we made milksteak
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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