Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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