I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
