You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
