I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
