i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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