I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
