1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
