A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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