Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
