I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
