i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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