It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
