Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize