so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
