Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
