I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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