Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
