Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
