I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
false alarm, still single
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