We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
