Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
