What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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