I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
