i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
