I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
