You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
