Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
