Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
