I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize