Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
