when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
