When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
