I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
