at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
