I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
