You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
high people should be assigned attendants
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
