Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
