Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dicks are not precious.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
