I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
