I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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