Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
