Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
