SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
