at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk is not a location!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
