There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
