when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
