i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
