I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
