kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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