Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
