I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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