so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize