SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
