So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
