sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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