Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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