I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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