Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize