I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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