Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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