we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
