I cannot find my penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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