you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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