oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
