So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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