I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
