Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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