hell yes lets make some ravioli
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
