AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
