Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
