I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
