I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
