somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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