and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
