just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
