I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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