Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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