Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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