Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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