I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
