Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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