I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
